Vegas. Does it get any weirder?
I was working the nightshift, the local “no tell motel”, stuck in hotel rooms with a black light looking for things best left untold, things that don’t like the light of day and scuttle away on eight legs looking for their next victim. But that’s a story for another night.
Just my partner “George the Mangler” and I were heading to the corner greasy spoon to stare down eggs, mystery meat and lukewarm burned coffee, my phone rang. I was a call from another “friend of ours”, a longtime local hustler named Vinny. Seems like he had a problem with a “stoolie”, and he had just dropped a dime to the right phone and the right guys that know just how to deal with one.
I was another quiet morning, just before sunrise, when the good people are still asleep and the bad people are contemplating a trip to Lake Mead with a burden in the trunk and two sacks of concrete mix. We pulled up to Vinny’s place and found him waving his arms up at his roof. We had found his “stoolie” alright, a Stool Pigeon that is. These birds are an oxymoron, a
“lovely” pest to some old men with bread crumbs in their pocket and too much time on their hands and just a “pest” to guys like Vinny that hustle the night and seek their beds for a few precious hours of oblivion before it all begins again.
The Mangler and I knew them to be what they are: Patagioenas Fasciata, or the “roof rat” pigeon. I saw the Manglers hand twitch and I knew what he was thinking, “These birds are bad news”, with about 60 known diseases carried in their waste, among these are Salmonellosis or food poison, E, Coli and also Histoplasmosis , a nasty respiratory bug. Said poop is also caustic enough to damage car paint and roof tiles and carries ectoparasites. If you think these sounds like something out of an Alien movie, you’re not far off. Do yourself a favor and never Google Ectoparasites. You won’t sleep nights.
We went to the truck and got our bag of tricks and the tall ladder. We could tell that this was going to be a tough job of exclusion, pushing these bad news birds away from Vinny’s pad and out onto the mean streets of Vegas to join up with the rest of their crony feathered rat buddies. A short time later and Vinny was staring bleary eyed at his roof and thanking us for taking care of his “stoolie” problem. The Mangler and I assured him that his thanks were welcome but we just love pushing these winged, disease carrying monsters away from places that they are no longer welcome. As Vinny turned to seek his much more quite room, the Mangler and I turned back to the greasy spoon and the still burning cup of joe.
There are many ways to deal with the pests of the Vegas world but this time it was no “thrash and dash” that leaves insects upside down and twitching and the fugitives a soon to be a memory that makes the Mangler smile. Yes, it’s a rewarding job for us and for you if need our “services”. Just call us and we’ll soon be at your place to take care of your “problems”, heck, you might even get to see the Mangler twitch.
